


Don't you ever run away

by Tash_ka



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Little bit of angst, M/M, Post 2x20, and at apologies, but Magnus is great at reassuring him, probably a bit OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 08:10:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12128229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tash_ka/pseuds/Tash_ka
Summary: Takes place immediately after 2x20.When the adrenaline of his confession wears off, Alec begins to feel insecure about their relationship. Magnus makes sure he doesn't doubt himself anymore.





	Don't you ever run away

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic in this fandom, so please go easy on me...
> 
> Also, English isn't my first language, sorry in advance for any mistakes.
> 
> Hope, you enjoy it!

The silence was making Alec uneasy. When Magnus proposed that they should get out of the party, he was more than happy to agree, but now, after the adrenaline of his confession and their kiss wore off, Alec didn’t know what to do.

 

He and Magnus were walking in silence. The warm night air and sounds of traffic washing over them. Magnus’ arm was circling his waist and Alec was keeping his arm around the warlock’s shoulders, grip tight. Maybe a bit too tight, he realized suddenly and quickly loosened his fingers, which were holding Magnus’ arm with iron grip.

 

He immediately felt a new wave of unease rising inside him. He didn’t know what was wrong, why he felt that way, but he couldn’t shake off this feeling. Two weeks ago, a week ago, this scenario – walking peacefully with Magnus, without talking, just holding each other, feeling Magnus’ body next to him, would have made Alec perfectly happy, but now he just felt out of place. Suddenly the silence between them didn’t feel peaceful, it felt heavy, full of unsaid words, full of Alec’s mistakes and apologies that would never be enough, full of Magnus’ coldness from just a few hours ago, that he remembered so well.

 

Alec found himself wondering what should he do. Should he say something to break the silence that was weighting so heavily on him? Or continue walking in silence, making sure the content little smile on Magnus’ face won’t be disturbed by badly selected words? He was constantly trying to come up with something to say, then resigning in the last moment, before opening his mouth.

 

The war inside his head was driving him crazy. It’s been a long time since he'd been second-guessing himself so much in his boyfriend’s presence, but now he couldn’t seem to stop. He’d never been in situation like this before. He didn’t know what was the protocol for getting together after a break up. Was it really a break up though? Did Magnus see it that way or did he see it as simply taking a break from each other? Were they starting from beginning or just continuing where they left off? He briefly considered asking Magnus those questions, but quickly deciding against it, feeling embarrassed at his inexperience with relationships. All the bravery from few minutes ago, when he stood before Magnus, confessing his love, trying to win the warlock back, was now gone, replaced by fear of saying something wrong, breaking their fragile peace.

 

“Alexander” he vaguely heard Magnus’ voice, bringing him back to reality. Alec blinked twice and looked around. It seemed that they've managed to reach Magnus’ apartment while he was deep in his thoughts. He didn’t even notice that they’ve stopped walking. Magnus’ hand now moved from his waist to elbow, the other one mirroring the movement. The warlock was standing in front of him looking at Alec with something unreadable in his eyes and it frustrated Alec beyond words. He couldn’t understand why was he suddenly unable to read Magnus. Had they really changed so much during just a few days?

 

He cleared his throat and looked down, trying to escape the scrutiny of Magnus’ gaze. “Sorry. Were you saying something?” Alec chanced a quick glance towards his boyfriend’s face and saw a fond smile spreading across it. It immediately eased some of the tension he was feeling. Magnus’ eyes, however, still held a strange glint in them, never losing their focus on the shadowhunter.

 

“I was asking if you wanted to come inside” Magnus replied, raising one eyebrow in question.

 

Alec could feel himself taking a harsh breath, before he had a chance to stop his reaction. He didn’t want Magnus to see how his invitation startled him. The truth was, although Alec was hoping that Magnus would invite him inside, he wasn’t expecting it. During their walk, he had time to convince himself that Magnus would prefer to spent tonight alone, relax after the tiring day he had. Not to invite Alec in and have to deal with all the awkwardness that would inevitably follow.

 

“Alexander?” Magnus’ voice brought him back to reality for the second time in just few minutes. This must have been a record.

 

“I…” Alec began, stumbling over his words. “Are you sure you want me to stay? You must be tired. I don’t want to bother you.”

 

Magnus sighed, hands momentarily tightening on Alec’s arms, before he responded. “Darling, I am tired. That’s precisely why I want you to stay.” His eyes had lost some if it’s intensity, it was replaced by look of sadness and regret. It left Alec wondering what could have possibly made Magnus look at him like that. “You should know by now, that I’m much more relaxed with you next to me.”

 

Alec knew that, Magnus always asked him to come to the loft when he was in particularly bad mood or exhausted after a whole day of warlock duties. But it was before, before their break up and those harsh words, how could he possibly know if things haven’t changed now? However, before he got a chance to say anything, to question what Magnus had just said, the warlock was already turning around, one hand taking hold of Alec’s own, guiding them towards the door.

 

The elevator ride was short, but it felt like a torture to Alec, who could very clearly feel the awkwardness in the air between them. The awkwardness he didn’t feel in Magnus’ presence since their first date. Careful not to be caught staring, he glanced at the warlock’s face, but Magnus seemed to be deep in thought, his lower lip between his teeth, forehead frowned. Alec was sure he could also feel this change in the air between them.

 

Despite that, Magnus’ hand had never stopped holding his. It was gripping Alec’s tightly when they were riding in the elevator and when Magnus pulled Alec toward his apartment and through the door. It felt as though Magnus was afraid that Alec would run away if he didn’t hold him strong enough. His grip only loosened once the door was shut behind them.

 

The smell of Magnus’ loft made Alec head spin. He didn’t realize how much he loved this apartment, until he was faced with the possibility of never coming back here. It was almost an extension of Magnus. The interior, the smell, the constant feeling of magic sparkling inside the walls, all of this screamed Magnus and Alec was getting lost in this feeling. He briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of home. It felt so welcoming right now, something that Alec didn’t feel the last two times he knocked on the door. It seemed like the magic trapped inside the loft wanted to reassure him, make him relax. And he did. For the first time since they left the club, Alec could feel the tension slowly seeping away, replaced by a feeling of warmth.

 

This whole time Magnus back was turned to him. The warlock was busying himself in the kitchen. Alec wasn’t sure what he was actually doing there, but he was suspecting that whatever it was, Magnus was doing it just for the shadowhunter’s benefit. He was letting Alec be overwhelmed on his own, knowing he needed time to compose himself. A few moments later the clutter in the kitchen stopped and Magnus was back, stepping close to Alec. Before Alec could start stressing himself over something to say, the warlock sighed softly and placed both his hands on Alec’s shoulders. The expression on his face was hesitant, like he was carefully weighing his words. His eyes glanced up and down Alec’s face briefly, before settling on Alec’s own.

 

“It seems that I owe you an apology, Alexander.” Magnus said quietly, face serious and eyes boring into Alec’s. The shadowhunter could feel his eyes widening, protest already on his lips. The warlock shushed him gently, his hand on Alec’s chin and his thumb briefly touching Alec’s lips. “Please let me finish. I need you to hear what I have to say.” Magnus’ thumb was now slowly caressing his bottom lip and Alec wasn’t sure if the warlock was even aware of the fact that he was doing it. Their position also meant that Alec couldn’t really look away from Magnus’ eyes, not without shaking off the hand that was holding his chin. Magnus was staring at him intensely, tenderness shinning in his eyes. But there was also something else in them, something that looked like regret and Alec couldn’t understand why it was there.

 

“I’m sorry, Alexander. I didn't realize how much my rejection would hurt you" he continued, his hand now traveling softly down Alec's cheek and settling back on his shoulder.

 

"Magnus" Alex breathed out, his words no more than a whisper. "It's alright. We are fine now, it's all that matters."

 

Magnus shook his head, smiling sadly. "No, we aren't."

 

The hurt that Alec felt at hearing those words must have registered on his face, because Magnus eyes immediately widened in panic. "I didn't mean it like that" he rushed to reassure the shadowhunter. "Whatever you are thinking, stop it. You've apologized and I've forgiven you. Like I said, it's all in the past."

 

"Then why..."

 

"Because you are not fine." Alec's automatic response to that was denial, but it seemed that Magnus was having none of that today. “I can see how nervous you are. You’ve barely said a word on our way here and now you look like you’re ready to bolt any second.”

 

Alec hung his head down in embarrassment. Of course Magnus could read him that easily. “Magnus, I’m sorry” he replied, eyes still down, his gaze fixed on Magnus’ shirt. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I thought that after our talk everything will be back to normal, but now… I just…” he sighed, frustrated at the stutter in his voice. “It’s like I don’t know what to do. How to… act around you?” He could hear the uncertainty in the last sentence and grimaced. It sounded so weak, more like a question than an actual statement. “I’m sorry” he apologized once again, just to make sure Magnus wasn’t hurt by what he said.

 

“I think you’ve already apologized enough for one day, darling.”

 

For a moment, Magnus voice was light and teasing and Alec couldn’t help but look up, surprised. The warlock sent him a gentle smile in return. But just as quickly the moment passed and the smile disappeared, replaced by a somber expression. Magnus ran his hands gently down Alec’s arms, brushing over his wrists and, finally, grasping both of the shadowhunter’s hands in his own. He raised them to his lips, placing two light kisses on his knuckles, before lowering them back between them, but still holding steadily. Alec’s barely managed to hold at bay the tears, that were threatening to spill from his eyes at the loving gesture.

 

“It’s not your fault that you feel uncomfortable. If it’s anyone’s fault, then it is mine. I’m afraid I’ve lost your trust. I know…” Magnus stopped him, before Alec could deny vehemently. “I know that you trust me to have your back, you trust me with your body, with your love, but… but you don’t trust my love for you.”

 

Alec could feel himself shrinking under the truth that rang form the warlock’s words. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, he needed to explain what he felt as best as he could. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, when you say you love me. It’s just…” he took a deep breath, Magnus’ slight nod was all the encouragement he needed to continue. “You were so cold before. How could you be so cold to me and still love me?”

 

Alec breathed out, eyelids shutting tightly, then opening again to judge the warlock’s reaction. Magnus didn’t seem surprised or hurt by Alec’s words. He nodded, face somber, but full of understanding. Alec could feel his shoulders relax slightly at that.

 

There was a moment of silence, Magnus looked like he was gathering his thought, before speaking. “I was just trying to protect myself. I was hurt and I thought…” he swallowed something that sounded like a sob. “I thought that if I hurt you enough you will keep your distance. I thought that it would hurt less if I won’t be seeing you.” Alec could see Magnus’ eyes shining with unshed tears and he felt his throat tighten. “I know that it’s no excuse for acting the way I did and I can’t apologize to you enough…”

 

It was Alec’s turn to shush his boyfriend. He could no longer bear the sight of pain and regret on Magnus’ face. Tears were now running freely down the warlock’s cheeks and Alec rushed to wipe them away. Both of his hands cupped Magnus’s face as he placed small kiss on each of his eyelids and then lightly pecked the tip of his nose.

 

“It’s all in the past” he assured, repeating Magnus’ words form just to minutes ago.

 

Magnus lips curled into a small smile as he raised to meet Alec’s lips in a short kiss. Alec could feel a promise in the touch of their lips. An affirmation that Magnus’ love for him didn’t change, that they will work on rebuilding their relationship, that this time there will be no running away. The kiss left both of them smiling widely at each other, getting lost in each other’s eyes.

 

“I promise I’ll make it up to you” Magnus finally broke the silence, his eyes still slightly wet, but wide and honest.

 

Alec shook his head. “You don’t have to make it up to me” he said. “Just love me” he added quietly, more like a question than actual request.

 

“Always” was Magnus’ only response, before he pulled Alec down for another kiss, this one lingering a bit longer, their lips moving leisurely against each other. They've separated for a moment, before diving back in, this time with more urgency and passion in their movements. Alec let Magnus’ tongue slip into his mouth, he could feel the warlock’s hands tangling in his hair and pulling slightly. He moaned at the feeling. It seemed that the sound startled Magnus, because he moved his lips away from the shadowhunter’s, his breathing quickened. There were still only millimeters separating them. They’ve stayed like that for a while, just breathing into each other’s presence, letting the peaceful quiet settle around them. “Hungry?” Magnus rasped after few moments, pulling back to look at Alec. He snorted at the look on Alec’s face, shaking his head.

 

“Please get your mind out of the gutter, Alexander” he said, smiling fondly. “I’ve meant food.”

 

Alec could feel his embarrassment at that, and it no doubt showed on his face, because Magnus laughed again.

 

“We should make pizza” Magnus stated, pulling away from the shadowhunter with one last peck on the lips.

 

“Make… pizza?” Alec raised his eyebrows in confusion, as he watched Magnus heading towards the kitchen area.  Magnus hummed in response, already pulling out ingredients from the cupboards. “Wouldn’t it be easier to order pizza?”

 

Magnus stopped in the middle of pulling something out of the fridge and shook his head, looking back at Alec. “Of course it would be easier to order, but tonight we are making pizza ourselves” he frowned at Alec’s lost expression, before laughing quietly. “Or at least I am making pizza. You can cut the ingredients, since you clearly have no idea how to make one” Magnus said, fondness clear in his voice, and beckoned Alec closer with his hand. 

 

Few minutes later Alec knew why Magnus thought it would be a great idea to make pizza in the middle of the night. He could already feel the rest of the tension that build up over the last few days leave his body, as he focused on cutting neatly ingredients for the topping. Magnus body was constant presence next to him, moving around him, humming something under his breath or throwing in comments about his time in Italy. It was easy and familiar.

 

Every time Magnus walked by, he made sure to brush his hands over Alec’s side or place a light kiss on his neck. The shadowhunter was aware that those little gestures were there to reassure Alec that Magnus wasn’t going anywhere, to make him feel wanted again. It didn’t change the fact that every time Magnus made those gestures a new set of butterflies fluttered around in Alec’s stomach and his smile grew even wider. Out of the corner of his eye, Alec could see that Magnus was gauging out his reaction. He could also see the wide grind that spilled across his boyfriend’s face at Alec’s content expression.

 

Alec now understood that Magnus began stripping him of his insecurities right from the moment they’ve entered the apartment. He was able to accurately read what was wrong with Alec, before Alec himself had a chance to figure it out. It made Alec warm inside and he could feel smile tugging at his lips.

 

The thought that his boyfriend knew him so well, that he immediately knew that something was wrong, that he cared for him enough to make sure Alec felt comfortable and loved, he couldn’t describe how much it meant to him. Maybe he would try, once they’ll settle for the night in each other’s arms. He would try to tell Magnus everything that he was feeling, probably stumbling over words and having trouble expressing everything he wanted to say. But just like before, Magnus would get it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear what you think :)


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